"the most distressing and upsetting and unfun way possible"

Today was so nice outside that drivers forgot to use turn signals and also had heavy feet. I saw somebody get nabbed for speeding in a "city" that is so small that you really can't go that fast. The police officers were out in full force. Thankfully, my car is a piece of crap and quite old. The police don't usually notice me. Then again, lawnmowers have more horsepower than my car so speeding isn't usually an issue. Don't know how people can become cops and remain cops. I would blow my brains out having to deal with the monotony of handing out tickets day after day. There are other aspects of policing, but they all seem to suck. Don't know until a person tries it, I suppose, but it sure seems like it would suck to me.

Indictment of Trump could be the one thing that keeps me on the internet for a few more years. Even if it is unlikely, it would be a fitting end to a presidency all about entertainment, which is about as corrupt and disgusting a business a person could find in the USA. Hollywood also remains the USA's number one export. No, not democracy, Hollywood movies. That makes me laugh pretty hard when I mull it over. Make believe is what the USA sells to the world, and as of late Fox News has been selling it domestically with great success. I don't talk to many people these days so the internet is where I read about Trump's many legal losses. Indictment of Trump would make me feel like Nixon's horrible legacy would finally be subject to some revision, which is necessary in order to have a functioning Republican Party again.

“I will pull up at least 5 spreadsheets (ranging from actual important pricesheets to recent Company Softball scores - it doesn't matter, as long as it's an Excel Document.) I print them out, then walk to the other side of the office building to copy them. Somehow, in my mind, this makes it look like I'm working - and looks are the most important thing.”

I know I mentioned this somewhere but this was one of the first things I figured out at AEON. If I’m walking from the school area through the lobby towards the shared area by the elevators, in my 10 minutes between classes, you pretty much know I’m trying to go to the bathroom. In order not to be interrupted every single time with some nonsense about special tactics about how so and so can improve their listening skills I’d grab papers or those cool opaque plastic folders that seem prevalent there, head up, confident, walk with PURPOSE. Why would I bring documents to the bathroom? Because then I get to go to the bathroom.

The buzzwords part was great too, I suppose everyone has experienced this but there is a certain type of person who either has an MBA and/or reads Twitter a lot, doesn’t want to really learn what people are doing, but seem to realize they need to do something which usually equates to telling people to work more, and faster.

So if there’s something not super important that was prioritized until next week, they tend to “forget” and 2 days later there’s an impatient email with misguided questions, which someone answers, and then, stymied, they suggest we look at this as an opportunity to use cross-team functionality.

Great, thank you for the insight, without your guidance the project would never have been done.

Some buzz words and phrases that I have nightmares about:


Platform (Yeah, all two people who read this will suddenly think that this medium works the same for me as it does for Fox News. Fuck off already!)

Systemness (We have given up on education so will develop new ways to steal your money while charging you higher tuition)

Multi-disciplinary (We have no focus so pretend it's a jolly good time being incompetent before HR finds out we have done nothing this quarter from the CFO)

Growing our business [inanimate objects don't grow yet this phrase remains stupidly widespread and seems to mean "make the company bigger/more profitable depending on context at any cost or you are sacked" or see "Grow the economy", which seems to mean steal from you/me/anybody's grandparents to make corporation balance sheets favorable to investors etc.]

Narrative [Reality does not exist at your place of work so just make shit up]

Transitioning employees [Sack/fire people]

Create an atmosphere of mutual respect (The people who want to be in management will kiss up and kick down while claiming to be at a disadvantage if anybody disagrees with any of their insane practices/actions/plans)

Straight commission position at this firm, okay?

It is really hard to pretend to care at "jobs" so hats off to those who have managed to work for others instead of themselves. I never felt like an imposter in terms of my career. I felt like an imposter when I didn't burn down the school/university I was working at.

Dreading phone calls thinking each one is the hospice calling about death. Each day I get there and just be present. I do come home, walk the dog, ruminate, fear the phone ringing, and then sleep a bit. Next, I get up and do exactly what I did the day before.

YouTube is not the place to turn to when grieving. I am, most likely, the last person to know this fact. I have more meaningful experiences taking the dog out to play. She is crazy and fun. YouTube is heavy on the crazy and a bit light on the fun.

Just listening to the latest on Crime-O-Rama 24/7/365. DJT may well be president from prison. Who knows?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And really, the only reason I followed any of this shit was to amuse the strange woman who lived with me. She is no longer able to follow anything, even swallowing pudding has become impossible without much coaching.

21 days maximum. That's what I have heard from those who know about this stuff. My feeling is that it will be much shorter. My hope is that it is just comfortable. Still, I go every day and just be there to hold her hand. I would have liked to tell her that DJT is one step closer to becoming a presidential candidate from a prison cell.

Death visited my house and took the strange woman who married me. I will love her forever. And I hope that you are lucky enough to have a such person in your lives. ****Funeral home today to prepare the funeral where all my old friends who are singers and musicians will be there to do the music and help me stand up through this grief that my older sister told me is likely to take three years to work through and get used to the "new normal."



****Gunston's was full up. 

shit. feel for you man. sincere condolences

I can't imagine. Sorry and sincere condolences.

One day, long in the future, I will look back on this time and remember it without feeling numb. Now, I am focusing on the great times that I had with the strange woman who married me and gave all she could to make our life wonderful together. Thank you to all of you for your kind messages.

I have to go work a second job to pay off the bill I got for the funeral quote from the Gunston family. Back later after playing a hundred solo gigs a day for the next six months.

Just remembered today how it used to be somewhat hard to be booted from a website. Nowadays people seem to want to ban you for mentioning what you had for breakfast. Eggs and toast. I'll get my hat now.

Baseball. Hours wasted. A very cheap diversion. The internet even has broadcasts, unlike basketball, which is even more boring than baseball now. I thought that was impossible.