Post by Dr W.F.T Blundershart III on Apr 13, 2020 2:49:07 GMT
X-Men Apocalypse (2016)
10/10
Confession Time: I'm not much of a movie guy. Don't know shit from shinola. Prefer the printed word. The worst cross-eyed bogshit sentence ever arrythmically wedged into the worst book ever written is still better than the greatest film ever made. In fact the word "a" flukily scrawled by a dyslexic dog's tail in a trail of its own piss at night in the rain is still greater than the "greatest" film ever made. Films are little more than moving postcards being thrown in your face for 2 hours. An insulting medium spoonfeeding nothing to where there could be something.
That said, I give this film 10/10 even though it’s only at 48% on Rotten Tomatoes. Fussy spoilt bastards. What do they want, the moon on a fucken stick? This Major Motion Picture has fancy special FX and shooting fire and flashing lights and fucken everything! If I was an 11-year old boy I would drizzle my load watching this. As it is, I am 14 and still consider myself Very Fucking Goddamn Impressed.
Really though, as an old git who has only been to the Lido twice this century, I just sit there and marvel at the flashing lights and flying contraptions. Although ffs, Hugh Jackman was shoehorned in for about two violent speechless minutes in the whole film. WFT. I thought it was his franchise? Contractual obligation?
The all action 5-minute intro was probably the greatest thing I’ve ever seen and must’ve cost NZ’s annual GDP to produce. They built a whole pyramid and then knocked it down! Sad! And expensive! Story? Dialogue? Whatever. Don’t need it. Some dude just used eye-powered laser fire to burn a motherfucking tree in half. Do you know how much that must’ve cost? Trees don’t grow on tr oh shit
10/10
Confession Time: I'm not much of a movie guy. Don't know shit from shinola. Prefer the printed word. The worst cross-eyed bogshit sentence ever arrythmically wedged into the worst book ever written is still better than the greatest film ever made. In fact the word "a" flukily scrawled by a dyslexic dog's tail in a trail of its own piss at night in the rain is still greater than the "greatest" film ever made. Films are little more than moving postcards being thrown in your face for 2 hours. An insulting medium spoonfeeding nothing to where there could be something.
That said, I give this film 10/10 even though it’s only at 48% on Rotten Tomatoes. Fussy spoilt bastards. What do they want, the moon on a fucken stick? This Major Motion Picture has fancy special FX and shooting fire and flashing lights and fucken everything! If I was an 11-year old boy I would drizzle my load watching this. As it is, I am 14 and still consider myself Very Fucking Goddamn Impressed.
Really though, as an old git who has only been to the Lido twice this century, I just sit there and marvel at the flashing lights and flying contraptions. Although ffs, Hugh Jackman was shoehorned in for about two violent speechless minutes in the whole film. WFT. I thought it was his franchise? Contractual obligation?
The all action 5-minute intro was probably the greatest thing I’ve ever seen and must’ve cost NZ’s annual GDP to produce. They built a whole pyramid and then knocked it down! Sad! And expensive! Story? Dialogue? Whatever. Don’t need it. Some dude just used eye-powered laser fire to burn a motherfucking tree in half. Do you know how much that must’ve cost? Trees don’t grow on tr oh shit