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Post by Sprague Dawley on Oct 14, 2020 10:47:21 GMT
Gunston Web Blog Branding 101
Gidday, Web Bloggers.
Wayne Gunston here.
Now then, straight down to fucken business.
Does your Web Blog have a brand?
Your Web Blog Brand is a powerful strategy for building your Web Blog Business. Do you even know what a “brand” is you stupid cunt? A brand is some shit like fucken Nike or Starbucks. Do you even know what those brands make? God, you are a stupid fucken bastard. I can see we’re going to have walk your dumb fat thicko arse RIGHT through this whole web blog brand scenario in tiny little fucken pigeon-toed baby steps.
A web blog brand suggests how your company should be perceived and helps you connect with marks I mean customers. Here are some tips to help you facilitate Web Blog Brand Blog Awareness.
Key components of brand identity.
Branding encompasses a few key visual elements that work together you dumbarse.
1. Tone
What’s the voice of your brand like? Is it fun and playful or corporate and serious? Either way, your tone needs to incorporate a LOT of serious insults. People are idiots and need to be reminded of it at regular junctures. It serves to calibrate their neurological homeostasis. This is Brain Science 101, you stupid cunt. We’ve already covered this in Web Blogging Insults 101. Do you have any memory AT ALL of that you thicko Alzheimer’s cunt? ffs.
Effective Web Branding at Work; Exhibit A:
“Oh man, I was feeling pretty good about myself today but I think this wonderfully-branded internet web blog has just reminded me, in piercingly caustic language, that I am a fat useless piece of shit.”
2. Visual style
Look at your brand visuals— do they have a consistent look to them? Well, they shouldn’t. Consistency is boring as shit. Break it up a bit. People are sick of the Nike swooshstika. Throw some dongers in there.
“Wow, I had no idea two huge cocks could be stretched into the shape of a swastika, hahaha.”
3. Copy and language
When your brand communicates with customers, does it always sound the same?
BORING.
Biff some rando swahili in there. Chuck a few gibberish terrorist arab squiggles in too. Keep cunts on their toes.
“Thank God we stumbled across this internet web blog. I had no idea I was a cunt in cyrrilic.”
4. Logo
A good logo creates a lasting impression on people who see it. The more offensive the logo is, the better. Burn that cunt into their retinas. Respect through fear, wankers.
“This huge swastika donger logo is repeated on every page. With little swastika donger logos all down both sides of the page. I am starting to find comically-large nazi cock regalia a comforting presence in my life.”
Righto that’s all the advice for today.
Frankly, that’s more than enough for a thick knobhead like you to handle in one go.
-Wayne.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Nov 16, 2020 2:58:51 GMT
Gunston Stock Photo Retouchers
Hello, and Welcome to Gunston Stock Photo Retouchers
I am Aunty Doris Gunston and I will be taking care of all
your internet stock photo retouching needs here on this
fine sunny day in downtown suburban Wollongong.
My actual photo, not an internet stock photo, you fucken drongo.
Do you have some old internet stock photos that are in desperate need of retouching? Are some of those perfect model families starting to look a bit tired around the edges? The staged smiles of painstakingly happy granddads lilting a bit at the corners? Then you are in the right place, you dickhead!
To follow are just a few “before and after” shots of stock photos we have retouched here at Gunston Stock Photo Retouchers
Before:
After:
Yes, that’s right we turned the stupid toothy hag at the top into Raylene fucken Gunston! Wayne’s fucken wife! Stupid blind Wayne didn’t even notice his wife was 78 years old for the first 18 months then he just said fuckit, she’ll do.
Google SPONSOR:
Before:
What the fuck is this?
It doesnt even look real.
What camera did they use, a bloody Daewoo MK 00 point fucken 1?
After:
Fixed that shit right up.
Just look at the resolution now!
Another success story for Gunston Stock Photo Retouchers.
Google SPONSOR:
Before:
Yeah right. Just milliseconds before Dad snaps and kills the whole fucken lot of them and heads straight to the fucken pub. Let’s fix that shit right up.
After:
Way better. Way more realistic.
Gunston Stock Photo Retouchers.
Fixing photos AND saving lives.
Google SPONSOR:
Before:
FFS. What a mess. This affirmative action bollocks photo is literally on its last legs.
After:
A dab here, a splat there and we are back in the real world! With Gunston Stock Photo Retouchers!
Before:
OMG it’s just so tired and hackneyed and tired and miserable and tired and flat-out fucken desperate. Please Aunty Doris, you say, please can you please weave your retouching magic and rid this photo of its pleading bum-clasping desperation?
Sure!
After:
A far more realistic representation of a real workplace.
Before:
After:
The more discerning among you, given time, may just be able to spot the retouching that has taken place in Photo 2.
Don’t be embarrassed if you cannot spot the difference between either photo! You are not a trained professional!
Righto, if all that doesn’t convince you to overhaul your shitty sad collection of internet stock photos then nothing will.
Operators are standing by.
Their names are Wayne, Gene, and Trevor.
Please speak very, VERY slowly on the telephone.
Good-o.
-Aunty Doris Gunston.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Dec 3, 2020 0:28:42 GMT
Gunston Web Blogging
NEWSLETTER
“Log off that highly addictive dog-rooting website for five fucking minutes and GET FUCKEN BLOGGING, you deadbeat millennial shithead!”
Writing captivating headlines for your boring fucken Web Blog is an art and a necessity.
Follow these tips for more powerful headlines.
Seven Ways to Write Titles That Stand Out:
1. Use the words “dog” and “porn” or any combination thereof in the fucken headline.
2. Use “15 Ways To…” in the headline. That whole “57 Ways to blah blah” malarkie gimmick is fucken clickbait mania.
3. Use “15 Ways To…” in the headline in tandem with the words “dog” AND “porn”. You’ll break the fucking internet.
4. use a FUCKING HUGE font size
5. change colours abruptly.
6. #7
“Wow, those dogs are really going at it! Fuck yeah Web Blogging!”
Get a Gunston Custom Gunston Domain for Your Website.
When you upgrade your wordpress.com.gunston.web.blog plan,
you get a FREE uber ride in the back of Trev’s ute to
ANYWHERE in the greater Wollongong area!*
*conditions apply
*must be raining.
Upgrade your plan NOW, you hopeless fuckwit!
Gunston Blogging PROTIP:
A Foreign Wanker Spotlight
A “Foreign Wanker Spotlight” is a great way to blog about those different looking wankers you
might occasionally see walking about the fucken place looking like lost fucken foreign drongos.
Talk to the foreigner while touching them at the same time.
It breaks the ice and makes them feel wanted.
Who knows, you might get a root and finally have something to fucken blog about.
They don’t all have nits you know, you racist fuckwit.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Jan 4, 2021 11:32:41 GMT
Wayne Gunston's Guide to Boners.
Gidday, pindicks.
Welcome to Wayne Gunston's Guide to Boners.
Today, I will guide you through ALL of the graphically-detailed and EXTREMELY-GRAPHICALLY illustrated information pertaining to the various types of boners that you will experience over the course of your stiffy-time raging boner lifetime.
Unwanted Boner.
Mr Unwanted Boner generally comes to visit under pain of Murphy's Law when you're a kid and you see a spunk at the beach and it's OH FFS NOT FUCKING NOW.
Mr Unwanted Boner generally does not come to visit often in adulthood, ironically, the phase of your life JUST when you occasionally have opportunity and means to deploy your revolting little stump. See; Murphy's Law.
Sweatpants Boner
A fond relation to Mr Unwanted Boner, Mr Sweatpants Boner will pay an unwanted visit when the fabric of your revolting sweatpants is causing friction dilation in and around the knob shaft area and hello, Mr Stiffy has come to pay a visit.
If you're on the bus when Mr Sweatpants Boner pops up, I suggest a quick fondle but don't get too carried away because wanking on busses is generally frowned upon in today's puritanical killjoy society.
Semi Boner
A semi stiffy is pretty much de rigueur for walking around town and thinking about rooting. That being, 95% of a male's waking functional activational thought process. Celebrate the semi and give free reign to your imagination as it runs wild like an amygdalian stag at the rut.
Raging Boner
Mr Raging Boner comes to visit once in a blue fuckign moon so you better marvel at the cunt and deploy him perspicaciously before he fades away back into spoiled chub mushroom-cloud status.
Use your brief memory of what the Raging Boner actually looks like to remind yourself that you are not the pathetic eunuch all other systems appear to indicate you actually fucking are.
Viagra Boner
I think I took the wrong pill. Nothing's happening.
Prosthetic Boner
Not many people have a prosthetic todger. I imagine there's some sort of pump involved with the apparatii for Mr Prosthetic Boner. Maybe a bit of whirring and squeaking. Not overly sexy sounds in the bedroom. If you have a colostomy bag please be careful not to mix it up with your prosthetic spunk bag as spoofing shit all over the ladies is behaviour best confined to certain Tokyo nightspots. Speaking of which...
Futanari Boner.
Fairly common in Japan, if www.pornhub.com is anything to go by. The Japanese version of a prosthetic boner.
Welcome to the pornhub rabbit hole.
This is generally as far as anyone ever reads Wayne Gunston's Guide to Boners.
Pixelated Boner.
If you have a pixelated boner please consult your nearest local health physician. You may have actually entered a wormhole directly into the pornhub website mainframe.
Lucky prick.
Morning Wood
Fool's Gold. Don't fucking kid yourself with this shit AGAIN.
EVERY fucking time.
When will you ever learn.
WHEN?
Phantom-Limb Boner
This is the memory of a stiffy after your cock exploded years ago and you now have no cock left.
Maybe you tried to root a landmine or some brilliant fucken idea.
Stupid cunt.
Righto, that brings us to the end of Wayne Gunston's Guide to Boners.
As if any prick's read this fucken far after the bit about futanari up there. FFS.
-Wayne
"Gizza root."
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 23, 2021 22:56:50 GMT
Wayne Gunston's Fukushima Spa and Hot Pools.
Gidday cunts.
Welcome to Wayne Gunston's Fukushima Spa and Hot Pools.
I am Wayne Gunston of Wayne Gunston's Fukushima Spa and Hot Pools.
Our spot on the beautiful Fukushima coastline looks even better in broad daylight!
What a truly immersive and submersive experience it is soaking in the hot pools at Wayne Gunston's Fukushima Spa and Hot Pools.
One brief thing first; can you fucking swim? Because some of our pools are very, very fucking deep.
If you bring in toddlers make sure they have their water wings on. It's quite dark inside our hot pools. Like this:
"Mummy? Mummy, where are you? Mummy, help me, mummy, I
think I'm being sucked out to seeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaa..."
Aah, that was refreshing.
Had enough soaking in the hot pools?
Why not pop onto a sunbed!
Chuck away your brolly, no need for sunglasses or some stupid old lady's bonnet, we here at Wayne Gunston's Fukushima Spa and Hot Pools harness all the rich warmth of natural fissive energy to give YOU a warm a soothing and PERMANENT all-over glowing tan! Even on your nuts!*
*if you're a lady and you don't have a nutsack at the present time, well, you will after this.
Wayne Gunston's Fukushima Spa and Hot Pools are located here;
Never mind the barbeques in the adjacent buildings.
That's a separate business and you are not invited so just stay put in those hot pools or on that fucking sunbed!
Gunston Google InfoMercial:
We take pre-bookings.
Pay now, pasty cunts.
"This way to Wayne Gunston's Fukushima Spa and Hot Pools! Mind your step, woman!"
"Haha, he says he can't land a plane and his chin was like that BEFORE he went to Wayne Gunston's Fukushima Spa and Hot Pools!
"I order you to get back on that fucking sunbed!"
Righto, I'm sure we'll be seeing you soon down here at Wayne Gunston's Fukushima Spa and Hot Pools.
Don't forget to pack your lead-lined togs! That is if you ever want to replace your toddlers that got washed out to sea, hahahaha, dickheads!
--Wayne Gunston of
Wayne Gunston's Fukushima Spa and Hot Pools.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 31, 2023 22:39:52 GMT
Welcome to... The Gunston Hospital For The Unvaccinated (GTFO).
Welcome, shit-for-brains!
Welcome to The Gunston Hospital For The Unvaccinated (GTFO).
Reckon the Rona is a big crock of shit?
Haven't had the vaccine but now suddenly feeling a bit crook with Rona symptoms?
Come on down to The Gunston Hospital For The Unvaccinated (GTFO).
The CDC have authorised us to exclusively treat the unvaccinated here in our friendly, family-run hospital so that the mental selfish wankers don't clog up the regular hospitals where vaccinated people go!
Yes, just for dragging us sensible, responsible, vaccinated citizens down to your mental tooth-fairy 5G spacker level, we have been authorised by the CDC to give you the WORST fucken medical treatment imaginable inside possibly the shittiest hospital in the world.
It's what you deserve, you fucken mental conspiracy-theory crackpotted cunts.
Believe me, you MAGAfuck mouthbreather, you do NOT want to end up in this hospital. We don't give a fuck if you die. You clearly don't care about us vaxxed cuntz getting on with life so no more life for you, arsehole. Still dont want the vaccine? Sorry I can't hear you, too late now anyway, this way please you fat wheezing goatbrained fuckherded shartspray.
Let's Meet The Staff* at The Gunston Hospital For The Unvaccinated (GTFO)
*these are last people you will ever see! Gunston Guarantee!
Wayne Gunston
(Reception)
"The fuck do you want MAGA wanker?"
"I got the Rona and need urgent medical treatment".
"Take a number fuckface. Gene's busy so the waiting time is about three days".
"What? 3 days?"
"Don't have a fucken cry about it, you'll be dead within two. Waiting room is through there. Next!"
Gene Gunston
(Chief Nurse)
"Had the vax cunt?"
"No, Donnie told me it was all lies and I
"Hold still you fat fucking wackjob while I intubate you with this big fat filthy fucken garden hose. Right down your throat, cunt. It's to help you breathe. Try not to gag on the fucken thing. Yes, the garden hose is still covered in Rona smeg and blood and lungsnot from the last hare-brained cunt who had the fucken thing in him 5 minutes ago and just died. We don't even bother to wash it anymore. Fuckit, you're not worth it. Why bother, you're gonna die in a coupla days anyway. Now then, try not to move, this won't hurt a bit hahahaha...
"Did you bring your sleeping bag? No? Well, how is that my fault cunt? Sorry, I can't hear you. You sound really sick. Maybe you should've taken that Corona vaccine. See you in the morning. Don't pull the hose out. Pleasant dreams".
Roger Gavaskar.
(Chief Pilot)
As a medical facility, we don't really have any need for a licensed aeroplane pilot. But Rog is a good bloke so he's on the payroll. The CDC hasn't asked any pesky questions about it yet so mum's the word cunts.
Trevor Gunston
(Corpse Disposal)
gunstonundertakers.wixsite.com/death
Aunty Doris Gunston
(Billing & Taxidermy)
"But I don't understand. My mother died of the Corona virus and now you're billing us $265,998?"
"My Bernina doesn't run on fumes cunt."
"What does that even mean? Why are you using a sewing machi
"You want an open casket viewing of a human puddle?"
"...................no..."
"Pay up then fuckface".
"Jesus. Hold on, what is this charge, $8,000 for a sleeping bag?"
"Dead cunt didn't bring their own so we kindly provided one to keep the heartless MAGA fuckwit warm at night. You're welcome now pay up and get the fuck out cunt".
Righto, that's the team, yes, the last people you unvaccinated shartmonkeys will ever see on this planet. Haha, imagine Gene Gunston's face being the last thing you ever see. Sometimes he starts chainsawing the corpses up so they fit in the furnace before the wheezing cunts are even properly dead yet hahaha.
Righto, see ya soon, Maga shart.
The vaccine is not real and this is the last thing you will ever see. Nighty night, shithead.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 31, 2023 22:44:19 GMT
Gunston Inc Internet Thread Starter Focus Group
Hello, forii member.
Greta Gunston here, spokeswoman for The Gunston Inc Internet Thread Starter Focus Group.
Me, Greta, pictured here at the age of 17.
Don't laugh you fucking arseholes, heavy
smoking from an early age stunted my
fucking growth
Google AD
.png)
Now then straight down to business.
Have you ever wanted to start your very own internet forum thread?
"Hello fuckface, so you think you're
ready to start an internet thread do
you yeah well you're not so get off the
fucking line thanks cunt you have a nice
fucking day wanker."
It's not as easy as it sounds.
"I started this internet thread about my dogfighting
forward slash dograping underground club and not
ONE stupid internet arsehole has replied to it yet!"
For an internet thread to succeed you first need to lay the groundwork with The Gunston Inc Internet Thread Starter Focus Group. Using internet tools, they will foresee any potential hazards and iron them out to ensure a successful internet forii thread.
Google AD
.png)
There are many types of Thread Starter Focus Groups at large in the international community. Most of them are abject failures.
The Chinese Thread Starter Focus Groups are a chaotic mess:
"You don't have to write down the name of the internet thread on a piece of paper you stupid cunt, internet threads are located on the internet".
"I, I, I'm sorry, I've never done this before".
Google AD:
The Japanese Thread Starter Focus Groups are of course absolutely bloody hopeless at all this as all they want to do is find some poor fucking cunt to bully.
"The fuck do you know about starting a thread cunt? Come on
then, speak up."
Plus the Japanese can't stomach anything that reflects poorly on their sad little nationhood:
"..... and THAT is why all your foreign cuntface internet thread ideas have been rejected."
The Japanese can be incentivized but it takes forever and ever and it does get very messy for certain participants.....
No, if you want something done right, you have to go with The Gunston Inc Internet Thread Starter Focus Group. Here they are pictured below:
Ah FUCK, wrong picture sorry.
It's actually this one:
Oops sorry, another wrong piccie. Let's try again:
"Just fucking sit DOWN you thick seppo cunt."
Goddamnit this internet thing is harder than it looks, wrong piccie again sorry.
OK, here is the correct one:
Yep. That's the fellas. The Gunston Inc Internet Thread Starter Focus Group. In all their glory. Best group of lads.
They get results.
"Haha, now THAT'S how you start a dogfucking thread! Another
winner from The Gunston Inc Internet Thread Starter Focus Group."
"Honey, why are so many people replying to this internet thread about dogrooting?"
"Because Gunston Inc Internet Thread Starter Focus Group, that's why."
Yep, The Gunston Inc Internet Thread Starter Focus Group.
Book a session now.
Initial consultations start from the low, low price of just $7,995.
The Gunston Inc Internet Thread Starter Focus Group.
Your #1 Internet Thread Starter Focus Group.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 7, 2023 23:07:10 GMT
Inside The Indian Space Programme.
Hello, everyone.
It's me again, Roger Gavaskar.
Just a brief update on what I have been up to lately.
I now work for the Indian Space Programme. Yes, we are going to space! We the people of India are very proud of our achievement! I currently work for the Indian Space Programme in my capacity as a cafeteria staff worker. It is my job to ensure tables are cleared properly of leftover food. I am on my lunch break right now.
Today I will take you on a Guided Tour of my workplace here at The Indian Space Programme.
These are the space consoles at our Indian NASA Command Centre. We are placing all of our faith in them to get us to space.
"Javed, do you copy? Come in, Javed."
This is our rocket which will be used to transport us to space:
Oops, wrong pic, sorry.
Old pic in my camera.
This is the real rocket:
The man pictured below sitting next to Javed is our pilot. Or, "astronaut", if you will. Javed found him on the outskirts of Wollongong. We do not know his name so we call him "Manwithtwodicks".
He is the entire future of the Indian Space Programme.
Not sure what this is. Might be a classified space document. To be on the safe side just proceed to the "Rest of Brain" bit at the bottom of the classified space document and only read that part. Thanks.
 "Manwithtwodicks, what are you doing? Get off that infernal game. We must focus on going to space here."
The bathroom inside our first test rocket.
It didn't go well.
In fact, this photo is classified so please don't look at it.
British Space Programme?
LOL!
Our Command Centre gives precise weather
readouts to ensure a safe mission launch.
Javed's bedroom after Kampahla put too much spicy stuff in the curry.
Nothing to do with the space programme.
America Space Programme?
LOL!
India's Minister For Classified Tea.
Japan Space Programme?
LOL!
Picture in my camera of Javed's brother's new girlfriend.
"Manwithtwodicks, you are cleared for takeoff".
"Javed here, Roger that Houston I mean Hyderabad".
"This 'Indian Space Programme Manifesto' is just a huge list of curry recipes".
ALL LIES.
Japan is just jealous of Indian curry excellence.
Australia Space Programme?
LOL!
They spend all day trying to track down someone named "Trevor Gunston."
"Is that him? That's him! That's him! Ahh bugger, his ute is too fast, he's gone again....."
Japan Man later formally apologising for terrible state of Japan curry.
Not the moon, another old pic in my camera sorry.
Oops, I have to get back to work now. Clean-up at table 12.
Best of luck to The Indian Space Programme!
"Nose up, Manwithtwodicks, nose up!" |
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 21, 2023 22:09:27 GMT
How To Rent Apartment In Japan As Foreigner:
Harlo and Welcome to Japan, Gaijin.
It is I, Masahiro Sato, the Japanese National.
"Hello, gaijin."
--Masahiro Sato
Today here gaijin can learn how to rent apartment in Japan and main issues gaijiners face when looking for apartment in Japan.
"Dear Gaijin, if you want to open this Japanese window, please
ask a Japanese national to assist you with it".
--friendly Japanese realtor.
Today we cover the basics of how to rent apartment and discuss some of the main issues that gaijin pigs face when looking for tiny temporary shithole apartment in Japan.
Let us begin.
Rental apartment market in Japan
There lots of apartment to choose from.
But none for gaijin.
So sorry.
Procedure for renting an apartment in Japan:
You gaijin walk into nearest Apaman Shop so staff can politely tell you gaijin to please get the fuck out of Apaman Shop right fucking now.
When should gaijin start looking for an apartment?
When gaijin get sleepy?
When is the best time of the year to look for an apartment?
All seasons are equal gaijin please fuck off now time.
What is the difference between short-term and regular rental apartments?
It no concern of gaijin because gaijin is not short term or regular term. Gaijin = no term.
Why is it so hard for foreigners to rent an apartment in Japan?
Because gaijin is big fat oaf who shit on the rug.
Gaijin also wear shoe inside like piggy dumbo-face caveman.
How much does it cost to rent an apartment?
Why you still asking these pesky questions, gaijin? We not going to rent you an apartment u dumb fukk. Read the air ffs.
What is key money?
Key money is extra deposit paid by Japanese citizen to landlord. Gaijin no pay because FFS are you still here?
What is a guarantor?
Guarantor is third party who pay back money to landlord after gaijin run away at night and skip country and don't pay rent owed.
Thank you for reading and enjoy extreme brief stay in Japan and bye bye now gaijin.
Masahiro Sato, the proud
Japanese national.
"Airport is that way."
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 21, 2023 22:13:34 GMT
The Gunston Sex Trafficking Ring
Gidday, pervs.
Straight down to business today; have you randy fuckers ever wanted to partake in a sex trafficking ring?
Of course you fucken have!
What could possibly go wrong? After all, sex trafficking does involve your two favourite things; sex and cars.
The Gunston Sex Trafficking Ring is located here on the outskirts of Wollongong.
Oh fuck, wrong picture, that is a Gunston Cock Ring Flange and you can't fucken have that. Well, you can, but it'll cost you $4000 bucks and frankly I don't think a poor scabby wanker like you can afford it.
No, this is the actual Gunston Sex Trafficking Ring:
As stated previously, The Gunston Sex Trafficking Ring is located here on the outskirts of Wollongong.
Sex Trafficking operations are a piece of piss really. Just give Trev a ring at 0800-GUNSTON and he'll burl around in the ute and collect you and the spunk that you want to root. You two filthy fucken lovebirds hop in the back of the ute and Trev drives around The Gunston Sex Trafficking Ring at a leisurely speed while you two have a root.
Hello, Gunston Sex Trafficking Ring!
Congratulations, you are now a sex trafficker!
One root is $800.
Payment in advance, cuntz. Not our fucken problem if you can't get your tiny stupid little cock into the chicks birthhatch as Trev's ute jauntily speeds around The Gunston Sex Trafficking Ring.
Furthermore, Aunty Doris (sometimes filming the action from the passenger's seat but that's another separate side business we won't go into here) says this is strictly a **CASH ONLY** operation, no fucken refunds. Not our fucken fault if the shonky tailgate on the ute comes down and you two disgusting pervs fall off the back of the ute and onto the stupid road, mid-root.
So give Trev a ring and join in the fun at The Gunston Sex Trafficking Ring.
Give Sex Trafficking a try today!
We also have a nighttime option but that is an extra $20 cos Trev's ute's headlights are all busted.
Nighttime rooters, pay now.
The Gunston Sex Trafficking Ring at night:
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Post by Sprague Dawley on May 29, 2023 10:59:16 GMT
Hello, and Welcome to
Linked-In Gunston, The World's
Premier Job Networking Website.
We will have you hooked up with the job of your dreams just as soon as your one-time payment of $399.95 has gone through.
Hurry, operators are standing by!
"Hello, pay now you unemployed jobless bludging fuckwit cunt."
That did the trick.
Payment completed.
Now then, let's meet The Team at Linked-In Gunston.
Greta Gunston (aged 17) Global CEO.
Greta Gunston is the Global CEO of Linked-In Gunston and if she says there's no fucking jobs for you then there's no fucking jobs for you. So jog the fuck on and stop fucking crying about it. Bloody lightweight. Do you want to upset Greta? Then let it go you bullying arsehole. She's only 17-years old you fucking hostile wanker.
Gene Gunston, Global Operations Manager.
Gene-o could hook you up with a job.
If you're looking for a job in the chainsaw industry.
If you are not looking for a job in the chainsaw industry then stop wasting our fucking time you cunt and fuck off.
Wayne Gunston, Global Operations Manager (Urinal Cakes Division).
Oh SHIT, wrong pic sorry, that's Kepahl Kothandaramarama. Sorry, Keppers.
This is Wayne;
Wayne Gunston, Global Operations Manager (Urinal Cakes Division).
Are you looking to get hands-on with urinal cakes?
Then call Wayne at 090 8299-6666 today!
Trevor Gunston, Global Logistics Manager.
Got a job interview? Trevor will drive you there you stupid cunt! Get in the back of the ute! You don't want to sit in the front of the ute, not unless you want to get your nice clean suit covered in wombat snot.
Aunty Doris Gunston, Global Operations Manager.
"Trevor said he'd drive you to your stupid job interview? Yeah, well, Trevor's out getting my sherry flaggon refills so it looks like you're taking the fucking bus, cunt. Now get off the bloody line you dickhead."
There you have it! Jobs for everyone!
So if you're an unemployed cunt, be sure to make our one-time payment of $399.95 once again and we'll get you another stupid fucking job!
Useless dickhead.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Jun 5, 2023 0:00:52 GMT
Gunston Guide to; Internet Porn Addiction.
Gidday, Web Bloggers.
Wayne Gunston here.
Now then, straight down to web blog business; are you hopelessly addicted to internet pornography? Not yet? Well, you will be by the end of this blog post.
**GUNSTON GAUARNTEE**
By the end of this blog post we will have your prudish top-hatted amish arse whipping your cock out on the bus without a moment's hesitation to whack it to octopii enema bungcrack action on your mobile telephone.
**GUNSTON GUARUANTEE**
Step 1.
The first step towards facilitating a fullblown addictionne to internet pornography is fairly straight-forward; you simply need to tick ALL of the grot boxes.
Easy.
Put the lotion in the potion. Or is it put the motion in the lotion? I forget now. Either way, you need to enable ALL the grot options on the internet porn sites in order to MAXIMISE grot. This is Wanking 101.
Step 2.
Step 2, next, download Google Chrome as your new browser thingy. This automatically translates allllll those japanese grot sites into English giving you this;
See? You didn't even know you were addicted to three-tier bellied smut. But now you do. The names for your addiction are starting to take shape. C-Section Stiffy Section. Octopii Pregnancy Glands Section. All this and more. All thanks to Gunston Web Blogging.
"I don't know about you wankers but this granny
tranny & mugshots database has got me rock hard."
"Thank you, Gunston Web Blogging, thank you! I haven't had a stiffy this big for years!"
--Steven Toast.
"Hahaha, Toasty's penis erection is so massive it
almost takes up the whole television screen!"
Step 3.
The next step towards achieving a full-blown internet porn addiction is to quit your job and go FULL-TIME on Internet Porn. This is quite a sacrifice to make BUT I THINK YOU CAN DO IT. I HAVE FAITH IN YOU. GUNSTON FAITH.
"Honey, what I am about to tell you next is going to
change your life!"
"Sweetie, it says here you no longer work at Goldman Sachs? And it seems all your portfolio bookmarks have been replaced by Pornhub, Spankbang, Xhamster, Motherless and 54 other adult websites?"
"I know, right? Isn't it fucking awesome?"
Righto.
I think my work here is done.
Welcome to the world of Internet Porn Addiction.
-Wayne.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Jun 6, 2023 4:44:28 GMT
The Japanese Woman Part I.
Hello.
Gordon “Gangbang” Gunston here.
Noted philanthropist, preeminent authority on Japanese women
and yes, 4-time consort of a known homosexual.
Today, I am here to instruct you on how to root a Japanese woman. From ensnarement, to courtship, along to 1st base, and so on, round the bases, until finally there you are at 3am in the womens restroom of your local Mcdonalds family restaurant, tanked up on Dutch courage, blearily waving your dishevelled spigot in the vague direction of a heavily-pixellated black thicket. Mine’s a Negligent Chloroform Happy Set! So then, without further ado, hands where I can see them, sharpen up those HB pencils and let’s go.
Step 1. Holding hands.
Figure 1. The male should immediately attempt to assert his dominance in the relationship by “accidentally” thrusting his fingernails up and under the females fingernails. This technique draws it’s genesis from the bamboo torture of yesteryear. This lancing pain serves as the perfect segue to Figures 2 and 3.
The pained woman, falling, in agony, gratefully accepts the strong consoling male hand as the male murmurs a half-hearted apology. If the initial thrust fails to delve under the female fingernail, the male should withdraw his hand and try again until successful. This is a crucial first step towards establishing lasting dominance in a relationship.
Figure 4,5,6.
After the agony of Figure 1, the female, half-falling, and blinded by her streams of tears, reaches up desperately for a steadying consoling hand. This is where you come in. The strong reliable male, there in her time of need. Her trauma from the fingernail pain will cause her to block that particular ordeal from her memory and simply recall your consoling touch. You are now, officially, on track to being one romantic motherfucker.
Step 2. Holding hands (Advanced)
Figure 1.
Holding the females hand like so sows the perilious seed of MARRIAGE in the impetuous and insecure womans head. “Ooh, ooh, he’s sizing me up for a ring, he is” she thinks. All the while, of course, the man is thinking of nothing more than tilling her black cabbage patch with his roto-rooter.
Figure 2.
Austere and chivalrous, the mans sincerity is overt as he draws the woman closer, making a point not to look at her teeth.
Figure 3.
The man feigns admiration of the womans graceful digits. A cunning ruse. By doing this, the man has subliminally relayed his true intentions to the dullard woman by having her point her fingers directly towards his tiny wee Action Jackson (still concealed at this stage).
Step 3. Walking together.
Figure 1.
The mans arm MUST be positioned in front of the womans in order to ASSERT DOMINANCE. This careful groundwork and attention to detail will serve the man well later on in the relationship, in the bedroom, when he drunkenly attempts to mount the poor woman like a mad dog in heat.
Figure 2.
Woman love this strong, dignified position. The man should grin and bear it, appeasing himself with daydreamed images of the woman’s dirty great gaping black forested vagina.
Figure 3.
Yes, this position looks like something Stevie Wonder might try, but look again. Yes, it’s the patented Gunstonian Reverse-Overlapping Bicep Forelock Inadvertent Cockbrush Manoeuvre. The woman’s hand has been correctly positioned North by Northwest of the man’s slumbering stumpage. It’ll only take a couple of ungainly strides and she’ll be unwittingly knocking on old John Thomas’s door. This in turn will trigger the mans biological release of alluring pheromones, cascading over the woman, further enhancing the prospect, in the near future, of Sausage Time.
Figure 4.
An advanced version of figure 3.
Figures 5,6,7,8.
Again, the womans fingers are positioned pointing towards the mans knob. All things lead to the knob.
Next week; 2nd base: “Managing Your Negligent Chloroform Bullpen.”
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Jun 11, 2023 23:53:46 GMT
How To Flash Your Gash For Ca$h Online.
--by Raelene Gunston
Gidday ladies.
Raelene Gunston here.
Have you, my fellow spunks, ever wanted to flash your gash for cash online using all that webcam bullshit and in the process make loads of fucken $$?
Here's how!
First you need to get familiar with blokes cocks as blokes cocks are your target market.
To get your cock affinity up to speed make your own model cocks using rubber or wood or plastic or plaster of paris or whatever you have lying around the house.
Mission accomplished!
Cock rack complete!
Next, after you are handy with cocks, just zoom bomb some random horny blokes' laptop and the $$$ will roll right in.
"Fuck books. R U Horny? Click this icon to see where the lions and christians fight."
Don't worry, it doesnt matter if he clicks the icon or not. Just keep him on the line and charges will be reflected in his monthly statement. Fucken spackers. Men's cocks completely override their walnut brains when it comes to gash taco action.
"This dude is HOT. Although his beard trimming skills are slightly mental."
"You get 1 free squizz at my vag, you filthy little pervert. After that, ching ching motherfucker."
"Here, take this book, sis. It'll tell you how to unleash your serpentile vag kraken online you bung-eyed virginal knobhead."
"Gidday Raelene, I'll take you for a drive up a mountain and buy you some pie if you show me where the axe hit you one more time."
Obviously this is a trap. No freebies for this filthy psycho.
Righto, that's pretty much all you need to know about the online gash taco flashing biz.
You filthy skanks.
-- Raels
"Cock rack high five!"
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Jun 11, 2023 23:54:12 GMT
Google InfoMercial:
"Click on all the pop-ups, you little slag. They sometimes have free cock and balls webcam action." "Mummy, I have to do my homework now... holy shit mummy that is indeed one massive donger..."
"Daaaaaadddy, that's not mummy!" "I know dear, it's your new mummy." "Jeez Dad, not sure about this one, she has an extremely hairy gash taco."
"Wow honey, don't look now but your father's new skank has a massively hairy vagbox." "Oh my God mummy, that crazy bitch needs a motherfucking weed whacker down there."
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Jul 1, 2023 9:31:31 GMT
This one is barely even an exaggeration of the horrific interaction I had with Bluehost customer support as they took my $100 and locked me out of own URL www.spraguedawley.com
Welcome to Bluehost Tech Support
"Gidday Bluehost, www.spraguedawley.com tech support staff here, our dipshit dumbarse boss Dawlo forgot the password and email he used to register www.spraguedawley.com with, please send us a password reset, thanks mate."
"Hello and Welcome to Bluetooth/Bluehost/Paypal/Bezos.Inc. How can I help you today, Sir?"
"Password reset please."
"Thank you Sir. Please pop in to our Geneva branch with government issue ID retinal scans run in triplicate through James Bond's fucking one-eye. Can I assist you with anything else today Sir?"
"What the f....."
"Sorry Sir, we can no longer assist you until you provide the required documentation, have a nice day Sir, Sir is there anything else we can assist you with today?"
"Are you on drugs? Shit-for-brains Dawlo just wants
a password reset for his fuckhead blog please, thank you."
"Sorry Sir we can no longer assist you until you provide the required documentation, have a nice day Sir, Sir is there anything else we can assist you with today?"
"P-A-S-S-W-O-D-R-D-D."
"Thank you Sir, and may the spirit of passover be with you too."
"Look, you've got colour copies of Dawlo's government issued ID, black and white copies of his government issued ID, his name, his address, all his phone numbers, retinal scans of James Brown's bumcrack, Jimbo's credit card number, James Bond's credit card number as well as THE MONEY FUCKBRAINS DAWLEY PAID YOU FOR A STUPID LITTLE WEB BLOG SO PLEASE can you just FUCKING PLEASE RESET THE FUCKING PASSWORD TO HIS STUPID LITTLE POINTLESS WEB BLOG PLEASE THANK YOU."
"Hello and Welcome to Bluehost/Bluetooth/Bezos/Paypaypal/Cunt/Inc. How can I help you today, Sir?"
"Password reset please."
"Sir, your web blog homepage has been **SUSPENDED**. Feel free to obtain a Supreme Court Justice Court Order from James Bond's bumcrack and we'll happily unlock your domain for you. You have a nice day now, Sir. Can I assist you with anything else today Sir?"
"Soooooo just to clarify, we've paid you Bluehost/Bezos/BigBusiness cunts $100 FOR A STUPID LITTLE WEB BLOG THAT YOUVE NOW FUCKING SUSPENDED JUST BECAUSE DOGBRAIN DAWLO FORGOT HIS FUCKEN PASSWORD?"
"It's quite saddening to hear about your experience. Please consult with Bluehost Tech Support, they'll be only too happy to assist, thank you, have a nice day, Sir."
"You ARE tech support. That's why we called you."
"Sorry Sir, we can no longer assist you until you provide the required documentation, have a nice day Sir, Sir is there anything else we can assist you with today?"
"P-A-S-S-S-S-S-W-O-D-R-D-D-D."
"Thank you Sir, and may the spirit of passover be with you too."
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Oct 18, 2023 0:02:49 GMT
5 Personality Traits That Can Guarantee Success.
-- by Masaka Sato.
I am Masaka Sato.
I am Mr Personality.
I am current between jobs and sending out resume (see my resume picture attached) all week.
Masaka Sato (resume picture)
I am here today to advise omeeh about 5 Personality Traits That Can Guarantee Success.
Here is 5 Personality Traits That Can Guarantee Success below:
1. Be Tough Guy.
It is Respect Through Fear. Look at my face (see attached picture above). It is no smile. It is tough. Smile is sign of weakness and is used by women and infant and stupid child. Have tough face. Like Clint Eastwood and me. It is sign of Tough Personality. I am between jobs and sending out resume all week. And no smiling. Because tough.
2. Be Honest Man.
Here is below brief look below at the my honest unvarnished face.
Without photoshop censor edit.
Brace yourself:
Yes, it is face expression of Blue Steel. Like "Zoolander" the filmstar. You try to look away from Blue Steel but you can not.
It is too late.
Women, check your under belly.
You are already pregnant now. It is blue steel osmotic spell of ovulation.
3. Never Listen To Women.
This is key to 5 Personality Traits That Can Guarantee Success.
Never listen to women. It is shopping and shoes and other women gossip bullshit and dull stupid little shit. I trying to find a job here not hear story about your homosexual poodle dog and his silly little knitted clogs. I will put my foot through your dogs arsehole. I will kick your yappy chihuahua poodle's cock and ballz over a wall.
4. Never Sweat Detail.
Detail is for fussy women enamoured with shitting poodle dog. Mr Personality be's tough and focus on goal and no smile and other humans adjust to his corrosive handsomeness and leadership and man's cock and ballz NOT adjust to poodle dogs miniature silly little cock and ballz.
5. Focus On Goal and Fuck Everyone.
Focus on goal and never be distract by women or trinket or yapping other women or yapping poodle dog in vicinity of yapping women. Never smile at dog or women, stay focus on goal. Like Clint Eastwood at high noon showdown. Gun barrel your cock and ballz to target and fuck the world by the way I am current between jobs and sending out resume (see my resume picture attached) all week so if you hear of any job openings email me at masakasato@gmail.com thanks a lot.
OH SHIT, wrong picture, igonre that one, here is pic on my resume;
Masaka Sato (resume photo)
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Nov 29, 2023 10:40:40 GMT
How to Deal with Your Japanese Neighbors
---by Gene Gunston.
Hello, dickheads.
Gene Gunston here.
Now then, straight down to business; have you just made the COLOSSAL fucking mistake of moving to Japan?
You stupid cunt.
Congratulations. On the other side of that balsawood-thin apartment wall are some of the most silent anti-life motherfuckers who ever lived.
Well, what's done is done. Here's a rundown on simple ways to connect to your Japanese neighbors and how to tackle everyday challenges.
"I saw Gene-o's cock through the window! It was this fucking big!"
Moving to Japan can be an exciting adventure. One thing that many of you uggo foreign cuntfaces don’t realize, however, is how important it is to get along with their Japanese neighbors. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a big city or a quiet town; understanding the local customs and knowing how to build good relationships with your fuckfaced crybaby Japanese neighbors can help make your time in Japan easier and more enjoyable.
This article will give you some insights on how to introduce yourself to the blank-faced wankers next door and how to handle any issues or complaints that may come from them and their whinging sook-faced shitcunt foreign bastard ways.
"Crikey, 3 days in a row young Gener's been jacking it to primo Japanese granny tranny tentacle grot. Welcome to Japan my son..."
Start off on the right foot.
When you move to a new place in Japan, it’s good to introduce yourself to your neighbors. Don't speak Japanese? No problem! Everyone understands the universal language of music. My genre of choice for introducing myself to my neighbours is doom metal music. And, even more specifically, any record by the band named "Electric Wizard."
Be sure to play it loud enough to let your neighbours know that you have moved in upstairs!
It's the polite thing to do in Japan!
"It's as if this foreign fucking CUNT upstairs is directly accessing Satan's realm through the medium of music."
"You know, this Electric Wizard LP he's been playing for the last 3 days is really growing on me. I might have to pick up a copy this weekend."
Make an effort to understand neighbours concerns.
Given the compact living conditions in Japan, occasional disagreements or complaints from neighbors aren’t uncommon.
If you find yourself in such a situation, it’s essential to adjust the volume setting on your amp to absolute bowel liquefaction levels.
"OK, I think he's switched from the 'Dopethrone' LP to the 'Come My Fanatics' LP...."
Dealing with Complaints from Neighbors.
Never, ever, EVER answer this fucking thing. Besides, you'll be playing your doom metal LP's so fucking loud you'll never hear the beepy little cunting thing anyway.
"...then Gener flipped me on my belly, yelled out something about a "Wollongong Window Cleaner" and boofed me right up the fucking arse! Best 3 seconds of my life!"
"I'm confused. I can't find anything online about a sexual position called the 'Wollongong Window Cleaner'...."
"I'm disappointed too. I really wanted to try it..."
 "Gene Gunston? Japan's most notorious neighbour, who broke the sound barrier with his hi-fi system and was deported from Japan after 4 days and sent back to Wollongong? Nah mate, never heard of the cunt..."
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