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Zoom
Apr 29, 2020 2:12:51 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 29, 2020 2:12:51 GMT
Local Man Hires 2 Technicians To Keep Zoom At Bay
--IT-News--
A local internetter has hired 2 fulltime computer technicians whose sole specific job task is to ensure that no "Zoom" invitations ever reach their employers inbox.
"Systems indicate some cunt abroad wants to schedule a meeting with Dawlo to chat about their fucken dog.
"Deleted."
"Systems indicate some desperate me-me fucker wants to 'do some Zoom beers and hang out'.
"Binned. Fuck that clown and fuck his sad cunt Zoom beers."
"Systems indicate some business organisation now wants Dawlo to do his entire fucken job on Zoom.
"Like fuck. He just quit. Business wankers."
"Systems indicate 13 new Zoom job training invitations for this week.
"Mute my cunt you fucks."
"Systems indicate the instant Dawlo goes on Zoom he panics and hilariously unmutes the entire worldwide platform as Camp Leader roams past in her gruds and the 2 cats chunder all over each other in the background. Then some little shit records the whole debacle and dumps it on youtube and Dawlo's cock goes viral.
"Haha, that would be pretty funny. Dawlo is a bit of a thick cunt at times.
"At all times."
The employer, a Mr Sprague Dawley of the Upper 666th Pitcairns Fucken Parallel, was unavailable for comment via fucken Zoom.
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Zoom
May 4, 2020 4:05:07 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on May 4, 2020 4:05:07 GMT
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Post by passportsworkvisas on May 4, 2020 14:30:45 GMT
Make sure to disable annotations. Too many kids drawing googly eyes on my balls.
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Zoom
May 5, 2020 6:27:49 GMT
Post by Gordon, "Gordo", Forthreich on May 5, 2020 6:27:49 GMT
You know, you can change your avatar to one of your own choosing Putu, you giant putz.
Regards,
--Gordo.
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Zoom
May 5, 2020 8:22:28 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on May 5, 2020 8:22:28 GMT
haha, uni bossman is all "if you feel Zoom doesnt match your teaching needs and those of your students then you are under no obligation to use it. Alternatives would be the uni LMS (lol, still being built) forum discussions, facebook, Line..."
WUT.
Back that tech train up two clicks there, staff sergeant.
What was that word just before "discussions"? Was it... was it... F-F-F-F-FOOORRRRIIIIII? Within femtoseconds I had constructed a bespoke, highly-professional, registration-only, world-class learning platform via proboards. You're welcome. "FFS, why didn't you just say 'forum' in the first fucken place? I may not know shit about facebook or Zoom or clunky uni LMS but as luck would have it, I have a motherfucking PhD in Forii Engineering."
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Zoom
May 5, 2020 21:53:06 GMT
via mobile
Post by passportsworkvisas on May 5, 2020 21:53:06 GMT
Ha ha ha Gordo thinks I'm putu. Suck my Elongated Johnson!!!!@@@@  |
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Zoom
May 5, 2020 21:55:04 GMT
via mobile
Post by passportsworkvisas on May 5, 2020 21:55:04 GMT
Putu doesn't have the nads it takes to roll with the shtick I'm throwin' down in this place. Hey-oh! PENIS TIME.
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Zoom
May 6, 2020 3:07:53 GMT
Post by Gordon, "Gordo", Forthreich on May 6, 2020 3:07:53 GMT
Ha ha ha Gordo thinks I'm putu. Suck my Elongated Johnson!!!!@@@@
Now I need to conscript the P.O.W's into manually and laboriously recalling by hand the raft of vaguely-threatening emails I sent EJ canvassing him to join the foriii. "Putu? Isn't that a... Japanese name?"
"HEY! NO TALKING AMONGST YOURSELVES. Half-rations of batdong soup for lunch today." |
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Zoom
May 24, 2020 6:04:45 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on May 24, 2020 6:04:45 GMT
Make sure to disable annotations. Too many kids drawing googly eyes on my balls.
Working from home is stupid. It's not even fucken "work" at all. No bloody way I'm actually going to get paid for this charade. I could sit here buck-naked from the waist down, nursing an ice cold beverage just off camera, surfing fucken discogs off the other browser, while downloading another terabyte of granny tranny grot off yet another browser, and still to all the world look like I'm "working from home". |
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Zoom
May 26, 2020 23:30:47 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on May 26, 2020 23:30:47 GMT
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Zoom
May 27, 2020 21:24:55 GMT
Post by passportsworkvisas on May 27, 2020 21:24:55 GMT
I've been teaching on Zoom for two months now. Hundreds of hours.
Make sure you enable breakout rooms, disable group chat, and close your browser tabs.
Nobody needs to see that you post at a site called Kateland.
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Zoom
May 27, 2020 23:10:05 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on May 27, 2020 23:10:05 GMT
I've been teaching on Zoom for two months now. Hundreds of hours. Make sure you enable breakout rooms, disable group chat, and close your browser tabs. Nobody needs to see that you post at a site called Kateland. ridiculously self-defeating name for a haplessly doomed forii. "Kateland", FFS what was the guy thinking, may as well hve called it "PedoKindyland" anyway, some helpful info here;
Beauty Tips For Using Zoom
Hello, my fellow urban professionals.
Trevor fucken Gunston here.
Today we are going to walk you uggo's through some Beauty Tips For Using Zoom.
There are many small tips we can follow to present our best side during a Zoom meeting.
Lighting
Use lighting coming from the side. The technical reasons for this are as follows in bullet-point format;
- light from the side casts your face in shadows. This makes you look like a craggy tough guy movie star. Like Clint Eastwood. Or, Bela Lugosi if you're not me.
- light from the side will make half of your face look well-lit and beautiful while the other half of your face will look like shit. People will focus on the beautiful half. After you fucken tell them to.
Use lighting from behind you. The technical reasons for this are as follows in bullet-point format;
- it will make you look intimidating and staunch which is the only reason to use fucken Zoom in the first place
- that is all.
- no further bullet-pointed reasons for this one
Make sure the lighting is dim. The technical reasons for this are as follows in bullet-point format;
- so cunts can't see that you live in a fucken bumhole.
- so cunts reckon you look staunch and evil.
- so cunts start imagining you have kidnapped infants gagged and bound just off camera.
- so cunts can't see you are a horrible uggo.
- so cunts can't see the shadows cast by the kidnapped infants you have gagged and bound just off camera
Camera Angle.
Make sure you are looking down your nose at the camera set below you. The technical reasons for this are as follows in bullet-point format;
:format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/A-85885-1569814918-2319.jpeg.jpg) |
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Zoom
Jun 1, 2020 0:15:29 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on Jun 1, 2020 0:15:29 GMT
I've been teaching on Zoom for two months now. Hundreds of hours.
"GAHHH, nothing, that's nothing, just a jumpy connection." |
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Zoom
Oct 11, 2020 22:53:45 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on Oct 11, 2020 22:53:45 GMT
How To Avoid Unconscious Bias on Zoom.
by Dr Raelene Gunston.
Gidday, dumbshits. Dr Raelene fucken Gunston here, chair of The Department of Liberal Post-Gender Studies at the University of Wollongong. Now then. Let’s get straight down to brass tacks and discuss this highly-offensive patriachal media construct called “Zoom”.
Zoom is a platform which promotes unconscious bias. That much is obvious. It propagates prejudice and stereotypes that are extrapolated from language, symbolism and nonverbal cues. These cues reinforce normative social identities with respect to gender, race, sexual preference, cocks, balls, nutsacks and socioeconomic status. For a further community-based example of one of these cues, my husband Mr Wayne Gunston has a cock like a pool cue but let’s not go there right now.
For a working example of unconscious bias, when the virtual background of a Zoom meeting attendee has pictures of his or her wedding, it unintentionally reinforces the idea that marriage is most fitting between opposite sexes. Therefore, in order to not unconsciously offend minority Zoom participants, this wedding picture needs to be affirmatively action-balanced by the placement next to it of a photograph of a 150kg lezzer bull dyke chick.
In fact, even a simple conversational icebreaker on Zoom can be a pathway for reinforcing dominant social norms and identities. In a recent video-conference, we were asked the ‘what is the most fun thing you’ve done with your family during quarantine?’ Participant answers ranged from ‘gardening with my husband’ to ‘dance parties with my family’. While these experiences are valid they can crowd out the experiences of people with minoritized social identities.
Let’s use macro-passive agendered bullet points to notorize these indiscrepencies;
- Not all minorities have a husband.
- Not all minorities have a garden.
- Not all minorities can dance.
- Not all minorities have seen the film “Minority Report” starring Tom Cruise.
I could go on.
- Not all minorities are minors.
Okay, that’s enough for now.
Another working example of unconscious bias in the Zoom diaspora is asking about “fun family things”. Such a microaggressive leading question may prevent cisgender goth trannies on Zoom from publicly reaffirming their cisgender goth tranny identities. This can lead to feelings of isolation and exclusion for those currently identifying themselves as present in the cisgender goth tranny community.
So, what can we do?
Here are some tips on how to mitigate unconscious bias and improve inclusivity.
Use Inclusive Language.
Using inclusive language validates participants’ diversity of experiences, whether that be lezzer, or bull dyke, or mangina positive, or gash taco neutral.
Symbolism.
Be conscious about what your “virtual environment” might symbolize. While virtual backgrounds may be a way for participants to express themselves, it is important to understand who is being excluded and included with these types of actions. If you DON’T have a huge fucken nazi swastika flag behind you, how do you think that makes the local right-wing skinhead fascist community feel? Without their comforting iconography there to make them feel included, this societal subset may feel excluded from the Zoom community, which in turn could potentially lead to feelings of isolation for this particular marginalised cohort.
Okay, I hope these informative tips help you to avoid unconscious bias while you are using the highly fucken offensive patriachal media construct called “Zoom”.
Righto.
–Dr Raelene Gunston.
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Zoom
Oct 12, 2020 8:04:54 GMT
via mobile
Post by passportsworkvisas on Oct 12, 2020 8:04:54 GMT
Always a smart move to take down pictures of your wedding whenever you turn on your webcam. Duh.
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Zoom
Oct 23, 2020 8:56:58 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on Oct 23, 2020 8:56:58 GMT
Will CNN mainstay and busted Zoom masturbator Jeff Toobin ever be sighted again?  I reckon no. The shame will be too much. It would take a reservoir of gall 3 million nutsacks deep to ever overcome the embarrassment and show his face on telly again |
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Nov 16, 2020 4:53:54 GMT
This "working from home" gig is such a delicious scam. Cannot believe some college clerk cunt has signed off on this nonsense. Today's 4-hour shift correcting essays over Zoom amounted to an actual work time of 60 seconds. "YEAH JUST BIFF THAT WORD IN THERE, DONT NEED THAT ONE, YEAH, RIGHTO, GOOD ENOUGH CUNT, HAVE A NICE FUCKEN DAY FUCKFACE". Then instantly mute the Zoom and UNMUTE the telly remote and we're back to Lamar Jackson's Ravens vs the dirty Patriots YEAH BABY getting paid to watch Sunday Night Boofball. I could do this shit forever.
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Zoom
Dec 7, 2020 0:37:24 GMT
Post by Gordon, "Gordo", Forthreich on Dec 7, 2020 0:37:24 GMT
Crucial Mid-Pole Zoom Update:
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Zoom
Mar 12, 2021 12:08:41 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 12, 2021 12:08:41 GMT
Has great potential as Zoom background:  |
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Post by pussycat on Mar 12, 2021 20:43:35 GMT
Will the jerkoff break replace the coffee break? Is pornhubb the new office water cooler?
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 12, 2021 22:22:16 GMT
Will the jerkoff break replace the coffee break? Is pornhubb the new office water cooler? The melding of work and homelife has a long way to go before society accepts plaintiff extradition and grot as part and parcel of the workbreak experience. Perhaps some sort of unionisation, a Wanking Union of sorts, is in order. Perhaps the Swedes will be the first to unionise. They're usually quite brave with these things. Japan, despite being the wanking epicentre of the world, and the planet's grot driver, will be dead last to unionise. ps in Japan they sell these bonkers outfits:  |
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Zoom
Mar 31, 2021 15:30:16 GMT
via mobile
Post by pussycat on Mar 31, 2021 15:30:16 GMT
Will the jerkoff break replace the coffee break? Is pornhubb the new office water cooler? The melding of work and homelife has a long way to go before society accepts plaintiff extradition and grot as part and parcel of the workbreak experience. Perhaps some sort of unionisation, a Wanking Union of sorts, is in order. Perhaps the Swedes will be the first to unionise. They're usually quite brave with these things. Japan, despite being the wanking epicentre of the world, and the planet's grot driver, will be dead last to unionise. ps in Japan they sell these bonkers outfits: Very smart, as only the top part of that outfit is cum-colored, so your boss will be able to see the jizz stains on the grey bottom portion and know that you’ve been whacking on the job. |
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Zoom
Apr 13, 2021 0:37:35 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 13, 2021 0:37:35 GMT
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Zoom
Jul 10, 2021 5:51:14 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on Jul 10, 2021 5:51:14 GMT
Will CNN mainstay and busted Zoom masturbator Jeff Toobin ever be sighted again? I reckon no. The shame will be too much. It would take a reservoir of gall 3 million nutsacks deep to ever overcome the embarrassment and show his face on telly again Sounds like Jezzer the Jizzer is back in biz on CNN. Might be a tough road to hoe winning those moral arguments now.... Jezzer: "Donnie is a terrible man." Other dude: "You jacked it on live TV." Jezzer: "Fuck! I thought we agreed not to mention that!" |
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Zoom
Aug 27, 2021 11:13:17 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on Aug 27, 2021 11:13:17 GMT
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nikkeisindex
Email Address: pneumatic_arse-bludgeon@gunston.com
Posts: 407 
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Post by nikkeisindex on Aug 29, 2021 16:59:12 GMT
My teacher friend here in Trump's America Failed State lost to Taliban USA! is supposed to sit in front of his elementary school kids 1/2 attending in person with another computer on the desk to deal with the 1/2 attending remote. JOKE SCHOOL.
During the early days of the lockdown before we adjusting to never leaving the house or socializing ever again, Camp Leader my charming wife and I would do some of those zoom drinks calls. I guess I was trying to look on the bright side because you could dial in friends who had say, up and moved to Austin never to be seen again and they were bored as hell too. But also it kind of sucked.
True story.
cunts.
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Zoom
Aug 29, 2021 21:01:13 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on Aug 29, 2021 21:01:13 GMT
My teacher friend here in Trump's America Failed State lost to Taliban USA! is supposed to sit in front of his elementary school kids 1/2 attending in person with another computer on the desk to deal with the 1/2 attending remote. JOKE SCHOOL. Fuck that noise. And thats all it will be. NOISE. Who said that? Was it computer or class? |
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Zoom
Oct 13, 2021 10:15:01 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on Oct 13, 2021 10:15:01 GMT
FFS it just dawned on me why one of my dolly bird uni classes was so quiet and petrified last week. I thought it was cos the bloke I took over from in the 1st semester was such a hard arse but now I'm thinking, these poor shits are in the 2nd grade now.... after spending all the 1st grade on fucking ZOOM.
Jesus, last week was one of their first ever uni classes.
The poor fuckers are basically fresh out of high school and I waltz in there expecting Wordsworth deep throating the rhyme of the ancient bukkake mariner.
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beta
raging moran
Neophyte
Posts: 1,008
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Zoom
Oct 13, 2021 15:57:14 GMT
Post by beta on Oct 13, 2021 15:57:14 GMT
I've been teaching on Zoom for two months now. Hundreds of hours. Make sure you enable breakout rooms, disable group chat, and close your browser tabs. Nobody needs to see that you post at a site called Kateland. "I pretend to teach, and they pretend to learn." I remember that type of gig. Indeed, it is best to hide Kateland and anything else that shows the ZOOM idiots that you have a life, an actual life full of joy, humor, and personal interests. Don't upset the borg! |
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Zoom
Oct 19, 2021 10:08:34 GMT
Post by Sprague Dawley on Oct 19, 2021 10:08:34 GMT
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