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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 30, 2023 9:12:14 GMT
The Gunston Hubble Microscope Just Recorded The First-Ever Images Of Gene Gunston's Cock.
-- by Wayne Gunston
Incredible scientific breakthrough here at Gunston Heavy Industries!
The Gunston Hubble Microscope have today captured mankind's first-ever glimpse of the tiniest object known to have ever existed; Gene Gunston's cock.
"I cannot believe we took a photo of something so f****** small".
- the science cunts employed at Gunston Heavy Industries.
"Wayne you f
--Gene Gunston
"We need to harness all the powers of this microscope in order for mankind
to see the first-ever images of Gene Gunston's tiny, tiny, TINY cock".
In a matter of days, Gunston Heavy Industries scientists will release an unprecedented photo of the cock. For the few scientists who have seen a sneak peek, the new snapshot has inspired profound existential emotions and left some on the verge of tears. "It's an emotional moment when you see something so microscopic" said some technician wanker spokesman for Gunston Heavy Industries. "It's not just an image. It's a medical miracle."
Wayne you fucking cunt, I am literally going to cut your fu
--Gene Gunston
Gunston Heavy Industries officials also said they'll present the Gunston Hubble Microscope's first atmospheric study of such a minute living organism. "Early reports of life on Gene-o's cock indicate that it is a barren wasteland, virtually completely devoid of rooting activity".
"You are so dead you cu
--Gene Gunston
Fuck knows what this photo is. Maybe the first-ever
close-up pic of Gene-o's revolting pubes.
Looks to be prelimary images of the surface of Gene-o's
cock. The yellow spheres are probably his herpes. The
blue sphere, probably his AIDS.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 30, 2023 9:17:27 GMT
Japan and South Korea To Hold Inaugural Bukkake Power Summit.
--Seoul Times--
Japan and South Korea have briefly put their political differences aside in order for their respective powerbrokers to attend The Inaugural Bilateral Summer Bukkake Power Summit next summer in Seoul, South Korea.
"Of course we'll have more than 1 woman there at The Inaugural
Bukkake Power Summit next year. You stupid fucken cock-eyed cunts."
"This is going to be biblical" proclaimed Manabu Sato, Japan's sitting Minister for MILF Squirting & Night Soil. "I can hardly wait to manipulate my rock-hard 3 mm stiffy to issue all over the leg and head of some K-Pop starlet. Or, failing that, all over Korea's Minister for Comfort Women. Oops, yeah, so sorry about the war brothels bish oh shiiiiiiit I'm comingggg..."
The 3 days of heated, fluid, collective caucus cock summit action are scheduled to take place in August.
"I'm willing to put aside my hatred for the Japs for 3 days in order to initiate punishing international relations with any j-bitch in the room" said Mr Dong Sook, South Korea's Minister For Crying About The War.
"Multiple stiffies are a go, I repeat, multiple stiffies are a red hot go Virgil."
--Japan's International Rescue Bukkake Command Control Centre running one of their daily "stiffy simulations" before the big event.
"Testing, testing, can you two slags hear anything?"
"Hahaha, they can't hear a fucking thing, this is going to be great."
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 30, 2023 9:19:44 GMT
Local Farm Infested With Flowers.
–-Guardian-–
A local potato farm has recently been ravaged by an unsightly infestation of flowers.
The infestation in question:
“They disgust me” said the potato farmer. “I tried eating one of the useless purple cunts, just in case it was some weird new strain of potato but no. They are fucking flowers. All of them. Every last fucking one of them. Inedible, useless pongy little shits.”
“Oh, just fuck off already.”
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 30, 2023 9:22:58 GMT
Failed Japanese Prime Ministerial Candidate "Surprised" At Loss.
--Japan Today--
Failed Japanese Prime Ministerial candidate Mr Kono is said to be "surprised" at not securing victory in the recent national election. "I really thought we did everything right," said a fairly despondent Kono. "I felt our billboard messaging was right on point. Forthright yet fun. Just like my campaign staff advised me to be."
.png)
"My campaign staff warned me not to come across as a doddery old fuddy
duddy", continued Kono. "I think the billboard campaign avoided that."
"A modern, stylish man's man' is what the constituents want,
my campaign staff told me. Personally, I think we nailed it."
"I really thought the campaign was a reflection of my true personality,
as you can see from this shot of the decor inside my family home":
Inside Mr Kono's house:
"My home is quite artistically appointed" went on Kono "and I really
wanted that side of my character to come through in my campaign."
.png)
"At home I like to rule with an iron fist" continued Kono "and I really
wanted this aspect of my personality to come through in my campaign posters".
.png)
Mr Kono's campaign staff were unavailable for comment.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 31, 2023 11:53:42 GMT
Local Envoy Completely Misunderstands Meaning of “AIDS Activist”.
–Japan Times–
The local envoy for the Tokyo Consulate, Dr Bruce Saint of Wollongong, Australia has today completely misunderstood the meaning of the term “AIDS Activist”.
“Why you wanna activate
all that fucken AIDS bullshit
again? You’d be a stupid cunt.”
–Dr Bruce Saint.
“That AIDS shit was fucking dangerous back in the day, you dickhead” continued Dr Saint. “We got enough fucken problems right now with all this Corona virus bullshit and here you fucken go, trying to activate fucken AIDS again. The fuck is wrong with you cunt? Last thing we need, fucken AIDS activated in the community again. You’re like a fucken terrorist mate. A fucken eco-bio terrorist or some shit. You got some fucken AIDS in some little vials you want to biff around the airport or something? Why you so butthurt your precious AIDS is suddenly not in the spotlight? Fucken dickhead. Fuck off with your pro-AIDS campaign bullshit.”
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 31, 2023 11:58:29 GMT
Anton’s Restaurant Capitalises On Climate Crisis
–AP Press–
World-renowned restaurant “Anton’s” have announced they are going to pounce on the climate change catastrophe as a “business opportunity” and proceed to procure animals from the rapidly-thawing arctic circle for their kitchen now that these endangered animals no longer have a surplus of snow and ice in which to hide.
“We will find you, you fat freezing little fuckfaced shitheads.”
–Anton.
antonsrestaurant.wixsite.com/animals
The Michelin 5-star eatery has long been at the forefont of cutting-edge cuisine with an international menu boasting exotic delicacies such as Burnt Vietnamese Goat Cock Kebabs and Exploded Welsh Porcupine Nutsack Soup.
“Are you fucken laughing at me you dead-eyed little cunt? Or is that
a frozen cry for help? Either way, #seal_stew.”
“You can’t just sit out there forever you fat useless cripple. So just
swim the fuck over here and get in the goddamn pot.”
“I don’t even know what the fuck you are. Fuzzy little wanker.
Who cares, in the bloody pot you go.”
Related Articles: antonsrestaurant.wixsite.com/animals
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 31, 2023 12:00:57 GMT
Wacko Jacko's Bumcrack To Be Exhumed For DNA Analysis.
--USA Today--
The King Of Pop, Michael Jackson, is to have his bumcrack exhumed from his grave by a crack team of scientists in order to test it with DNA analysis. "If we find DNA from E.T's space todger still wedged up Wacko Jacko's clacka then we've got that adorable little interstellar rapist bang to fucken rights" said Neverland estate spokesman Mr Tito Jackson.
The King of Pop pictured here with E.T in a file photo from 1982.
"Yeah, E.T's definitely feeling good about bad thoughts in that 1982 file photo..." continued Mr Tito Jackson, Michael's older brother. "Filthy little space wanker. I reckon they'll find buckets of that pervy little space sodomists leftover stiffy DNA still wedged up Jacko's violated clacka. Fucken buckets of it. It might not have even dried yet. Who fucken knows how long it takes for space alien sperm to dry? I certainly don't. I've never even thought about such a thing to be honest. Hang on, maybe that's why Jacko always wore that white glove? E.T made him wear it and forced Jacko to wipe the spoof off E.T's revolting little space prong after he'd finished raping him. To hide the DNA evidence. Poor Jacko. I reckon we need to exhume the white glove too".
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 31, 2023 12:03:43 GMT
Japan Parliamentary Bukkake Fest Underway
--Japan Times--
"Yes, it's that time of the year again" said a visibly-excited Prime Minister Kishida. "Time to repair to the parliamentary chamber and form an orderly queue in readiness to dump gallons and gallons of smeggy hot spunk all over some slutty fucking MILF members chest and face and neck. God, I love Japanese culture."
"Fuck Covid, fuck masks, it's time to get busy with bitcoin and bonds I mean bitches and boners."
"The more experienced Bukkake Fest lads have realised they should leave their best suit pants at home and just turn up wearing more semen-hued strides" said Kishida. "The semen, blood, puke, smeg, phlegm and salty tear stains never really wash out anyway".
"We've even got some sort of a bobcut transgender in attendance this year (centre of photo) so that'll be something new for the lads. See what sort of gash/tackle ensemble is loitering down there and how many cc's of man-spooge she can cop up the shitter before he cries 'pronoun!' which incidentally is this years safe word".
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 31, 2023 12:05:29 GMT
Japanese Prime Minister To Be Deported.
--Japan Today--
Japan is today reeling at the breaking news that their Prime Minister is to be deported.
This shock announcement follows a projection of low quarterly growth for the all-important pornographical niche sector of Tentacle Rape.
A Japanese Independent Commission of Grot Inquiry spokesman reported that the 0.3% growth projection on Tentacle Rape was the final nail in Prime Minister Suga's coffin.
"I'm sorry but 0.3% growth is utterly, utterly unacceptable. The world looks to Japan to see deep sea creatures get busy with half-naked hotties and 0.3% growth in this all-important grot niche sector is just totally unacceptable. Suga has brought great, great shame upon the nation of Japan. We've unanimously agreed to recommend immediately deporting the useless prick to Bikini Atoll. Let him try and have an octopii-themed tug on his 0.3 millimetre todger down there. Fucking slack little cunt. Good riddance, clearly he didn't have the best interests of the Japanese people at heart. Fucking little arsehole."
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Mar 31, 2023 12:07:32 GMT
Local Man Claims Mt Everest "Not That Big"
--SMH--
A local man has claimed that Mt Everest is "really not that big".
Mr Gene Gunston of Wollongong was strolling through Tibet one morning and took the photograph below.
"Yeah I took that photo of Mt Everest" said Mr Gunston "and it wasn't even the highest mountain in the bloody photograph! 'Highest mountain in the world' my arse!"
The mountain on the left of the photo does in fact appear to be higher than Mt Everest.
"I immediately named the mountain on the left 'Mt Gunston' and climbed to the top of it and then placed a little flag on the summit of the cunt. It took all of 10 minutes. Piece of piss this fucken mountain climbing!"
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 3, 2023 23:38:02 GMT
Japanese Prince, Aged 14, Snares His First-Ever Upskirt Photo.
–Japan Times—
Japan’s Prince Hisahito, aged 14, and 3rd in line to the Japanese throne, has today proudly become a member of Japanese adult male society by snapping his first-ever upskirt photograph.
"Wait for it boyyyyyy... waaaaaiiiit..."
"The timing was perfect," said the Prince's proud father. "The slutty high school skank was about 50 metres away, she bent over to pick something up and oh God there it was, white panty heaven". "No big deal" said the modest Prince, "I've been stalking this gaggle of high school filth for months now. All the hard work has finally paid off. Fuck yeah".
Japanese Royal Protocol dictates the father gets first dibs on wanking rights to the photograph.
"Don't worry son, I promise I won't spoof all over the pic. I've done this before you know."
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 3, 2023 23:40:17 GMT
World Health Organisation Director Grilled Over Unhealthy Physical Appearance.
–Times–
At a press conference today, the Director of the World Health Organisation (WHO) has been forced to go on the defensive over his deeply unhealthy physical appearance.
“What’s the story with your fucken teeth mate? They look like the teeth of a 5-year old sprog who smokes 2 packs a fucken day and grew up in Chernobyl.”
“Please, let’s not make this about my physical appearance. We are today facing a global pa
“Your eyes, mate. Looking a bit rheumy there. Have you got rubella? Or are you just a massive fucken pisshead? Grog is unhealthy. Bad for the liver buddy.”
“You’re a 2-packs-a-day man aren’t you? You gotta cut down on the fucken smokes mate, those things will fucken kill you. Not bloody healthy.”
“Are you the healthiest bastard they could find to wheel out to front the fucken World Health Organisation? Bugger me, may as well send out Ozzy Osbourne as spokesman for the fucken pope.”
“Those bags under your eyes, mate. How much sleep do you get, about 8 or 9 minutes a night?”
“Mate, have you ever been outside? Like, out into direct sunlight? You look anaemic as shit with possible iron and vitamin D deficiencies.”
“You’re a bit overweight, buddy. Maybe lay off the pies and ramen and sausies. That shit is all fairly fucken unhealthy, Mr Director of the World Health Organisation.”
“Fine then, fuckya, I quit, fuckyuz all. I’m off back to the fucken pub for a pint, a puff, and a pie or three. Fucken wankers.”
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 3, 2023 23:41:56 GMT
Japanese Prince Reveals His Plan For Japan’s Future
–Japan Today–
Japan’s Prince Manabu has today revealed his future plan as Japan’s Emperor is to one day annex the living fucking shit out of China.
“Once my coronation is complete I will immediately annex the living fucking shit out of those cross-eyed gook fuckwits over the pond. And by cross-eyed gook fuckwits, make no mistake, my able lieutenants, I do mean the infidel chinamen. They are a mongrel race of dog people not fit to polish my imperial mini-wanger.”
–Prince Manabu, aged 11.
“These marbles represent the various Chinese prefectures that will yield, in succession, before the mighty bayonets of Yamato” continued the Prince, who earlier in the evening had forced a royal courtier to do all of his homework for him at knifepoint.
“By early summer, once our tank divisions have secured Peking, and once the ching-chong dog people are at heel, we, the Imperial Sons of Amaterasu, shall spare no mercy in setting these braying, atonal dog spawn amoeba to work in our slave-like sweatshops. Perhaps making Japan’s smartphone chips. Or maybe extra Pokemon cards. And maybe cake too. NO MERCY FOR THESE VERMIN-LIKE ABOMINATIONS. Rightee-ho then, can I go outside and play now please mummy? I’ve done all of my homework, I promise.”
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 3, 2023 23:43:30 GMT
Japan And USA Experience Cultural Impasse.
--Japan Today--
Today, a US Admiral visiting Japan spent an excruciating 84 minutes standing on stage with the Japanese Prime Minister as the asian nation's leader struggled through the language barrier, repeatedly trying to persuade the American Admiral to please, please, please have a seat.
"...look... just... sit... THERE, would you. For fucks sake... THERE..."
"I thought he was trying to shake hands with me for the first 30 minutes" said the US Admiral. "Then I thought he might be asking me to take a seat but couldn't be 100% sure so I just stood there, not wanting to cause offense to my host. Then, for about 20 minutes I thought he was trying to usher me off the stage but, again, I couldn't be sure so I just stood there for a bit longer, awaiting further instructions".
"Would you PLEASE just sit the f*** DOWN, please, you thick seppo f***ing cunt."
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 6, 2023 9:08:12 GMT
HBO and ESPN In Bidding War Over TV Rights To Broadcast Live Firing Squad Executions.
--Entertainment Today--
US Cable TV giants HBO and ESPN are in a high-stakes bidding war over the rights to televise the newly-sanctioned broadcast rights to US state executions by firing squad.
"This newly-approved televised death format will not only be a ratings bonanza, it will also provide a much needed boost to the coffers of privately-owned prisons" said an ESPN spokesman. "Just look at the popularity of MMA cage fighting, the American public is hungry right now to take the next step in televised blood violence and will pay cold, hard, cash money to see some motherfucking asshat get shot to death live on pay-per-view TV, shot to death repeatedly right in his goddamn motherfucking brains".
Upgrade to colour today for just $14.99.
"Yes, of course we will charge more if the death row convict is black" said an HBO spokesperson. "It's not racist, it's just sound business sense in order to maximise our revenue stream and capitalise on public sentiment"
$29.95 SuperMax Family-Pass Black Ballsack Special.
The HBO spokesperson went on to state that "we here at HBO promise that our high-speed cable streaming platform will provide zero-buffering HD coverage of some death row clowncunt getting shot right in his goddamn motherfucking face. We have a dedicated film crew who, once the execution date verdict is announced, will be on site with the very best in pre-match preview build up. Rifle calibre calibration, varying bullet ballistics, right down to firing squad executioner collectors cards. You want to see some poor jaywalker get his entire skull motherfucking howitzered back to the Stone Age? Sign up to HBO today!"
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 6, 2023 9:11:27 GMT
Japan Ministry Of Film Arts Commandeers Tokyo 2020 Olympic Infrastructure.
--Japan Today--
Japan's Ministry of Arts have today commandeered the entire leftover Tokyo 2020 Olympic infrastructure including all computer mainframes.
"We commandeer all Tokyo 2020 Olympic communication tools to keep up with glut of Japan grot films. We need to keep up to speed with all Japan grot releases. Japan produce up to 620,000 grot films a day. We need to review each and every grot film for our, uh, our Ministry of Arts archival records. It is Japanese culture. You wouldn't understand omeeeh".
"Monitor 84, do you copy?"
"Copy Monitor 12, Bukkake Sausage Fuckfest #666 is a go, I repeat Bukkake Sausage Fuckfest #666 is a red hot motherfucking go."
.jpg)
"We work through the night. We work on grot at night. We are diligent worker. We put in the hard hours. Rock hard
hours. So hard right now cunt."
.jpg)
"Some of these boners are looking a bit droopy, I repeat, boner droopage on Monitors 36 and.....oh, hang about.....
we've switched to ceiling monitors. Nevermind what I just said, as you were."
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 6, 2023 9:13:28 GMT
US Envoy Brought In Over International Incident.
--Japan Times--
The US Envoy John Kerry has been brought in to resolve an international incident involving Japan's Prime Minister Suga and a visiting US Admiral.
The US Admiral and Prime Minister Suga, yesterday.
"We got us a diplomatic incident here, little buddy" Kerry reportedly murmured. "That US Admiral has been standing at attention for 7 hours now. The war's over, Suga. What the hell, dude? What is with the ongoing cruel and inhumane treatment against our servicemen?"
Kerry and Suga, seen here clearly gesticulating over the incident.
"I must profer my deepest apologies" replied the Japanese PM. "I tried and tried and tried to usher the dignitary to his seat numerous, numerous times. To no avail. We even had the translator explain it to him in quite clear English. Again, to no avail. It would appear the individual in question is alingual. He seems unable to respond to any verbal command. We even called the Sony Hologram Unit in to confirm is he is actually human and yes, it seems he is. We tried picture cards of chairs. We tried smiling generously and patting the chair cushion in an inviting, welcoming manner. We tried everything. Please, Mr Kerry, please. I am begging you. Please take him away."
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 13, 2023 9:58:00 GMT
Taliban Looking To Fill Ministerial Portfolios.
--Kabul Times--
The Taliban are reportedly on the verge of filling their ministerial government portfolios with the exact same murderous individuals from their notorious 1996-2001 regime.
"Look, I'll admit, last time around some of the lads did get a bit carried away with it all" said Taliban Leader Achmed. "But they have all given me personal assurances that they'll be on much, much better behaviour this time around".
"Ahkbar to my left here has promised me he won't eat any babies this time."
"But chief, they're so delic...
"AHKBAR! We've spoken about this!"
"Okay, okay, no babies..."
The following are the Taliban ministerial portfolios that are as of yet unfilled:
Minister of Death.
Minister of Murder.
Minister of Killing.
Minister of Laughing At America.
Minister of Homicide.
Minister of Guns.
Minister of Bashing Up Old Ladies.
Minister of Rape.
Minister of Punching Babies.
Minister of Kicking Women Right In The Face.
Minister of Prayer.
Minister of Public Stonings.
Minister of Guillotinery.
Minister of Throwing Acid In Women's Faces.
Minister of Public Executions.
Minister of Skullfucking Handicapped People In The Brains.
Minister of Casual Limb Dismemberment.
Minister of Homosexual Bonfires.
Minister of Flying Planes Around With No Intention Of Ever Landing Them.
Minister of Eating Babies: Ahkbar.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 13, 2023 10:00:11 GMT
Australia To Provide France With Submarine.
--Wollongong Gazette--
Following Australia bailing on a submarine contract with France worth $66 billion last week, a local Wollongong firm of contractors have stepped in to fill the breach.
"Yeah we'll do you froggy wankers a fucken submarine" said consortium spokesman Mr Trevor Gunston. "But it'll cost ya. Price was 66 billion? Gone up to 70 bill now. Payment in advance, you crying escargoted cunts. No fucken refunds either. Here's the blueprint":
Le Gunston Nautilus Rainbow Warrior 2000.
"Excuse me Mr Trevor but isn't that just a picture of an old car exhaust pipe?"
"Nah mate. Fucken submarine".
"Then why does it have holes in both ends?"
"They're called portholes, you drongo. For advanced seafaring. How else are you going to see where you're bloody going? You need to have a window in the front mate. Or else you'll bloody crash. Jesus. Do I really have to explain this shit to you? You sure you know how to drive one of these fucken things? Righto Pierre, thanks cunt, cheque's cleared, no fucken refunds mate."
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 13, 2023 10:02:10 GMT
Japan's Crown Prince Buys His First-Ever Thai Hooker.
--Japan Today--
The Crown Prince of Japan has today purchased his first-ever Thai hooker.
"I recommend that little tart 3rd from the left, son. That
doe-eyed bitch looks like she will gargle your nuts from
here to motherfucking Katmandu."
"It's a proud rite of passage in our family" beamed the Crown Prince's father. "I bought my first filthy thai slapper when I was just 13-years old. Then after I fucked her brains out for 17 days straight I got sick of the dumb slag and threw her in our castle's moat. Haha, I'm just kidding with you. I had a footman throw her in the moat."
The Crown Prince, now aged 14, is said to have been "practicing like mad" for the big day of finally getting to bang his first filthy thai slut. "I've been jacking off up to 25 times a day. I can't even fucken see straight most days," confessed the Prince. "I cannot wait to rupture some random thai ho's birth hatch with my massive hairy cock and balls".
"Fuck it boy, let's just buy all of them and I'll plough all
the ones you don't want."
"Oh, and one more thing son, whatever you do, don't let
the mad slags near the bloody ping pong balls."
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 21, 2023 22:03:33 GMT
Taliban Select 2023 Shopping Mall Father Christmas
--Kabul Gazette--
The Taliban have selected their 2022 shopping mall Father Christmas. Kindly old Uncle Abdul will visit numerous Kabul department stores and queues of little Afghan children will sit upon his knee and tell him what present they would like for Christmas.
"Hello, children...."
"Of course, there are some local customs that need to be observed", said a Taliban spokesman. "Just our little twist on the whole Christmas experience really. For instance, if a little girl said she wanted a Barbie doll then the filthy slutchild would be immediately beheaded on the spot. Let the carpeted halls of the store run red with her infidel blood.
"But if a little boy asked for, say, a fully-loaded AK-47 assault rifle, then he would be presented with one on the spot! He could even take his new gun and begin patrolling the kiddies queue to check if the little girls are properly attired in the hajib.
"On the other hand, if a little boy said he wanted a Barbie doll then his brother standing next to him - wielding his brand new fully loaded AK-47 - would be ordered to immediately shoot his own brother to death right in the cock and balls. Right fucking now. Let the carpeted halls of the store run red with the perverse brothers' tainted homosexualated blood.
"Anyway, these are just a couple of rules we have in place in the department stores, to ensure things run smoothly for Santa. We wish you all a Merry Christmas from the Taliban!"
"You missed the cock. Try again."
-Santa.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 21, 2023 22:04:30 GMT
Australia Sell France Another Submarine
--Sydney Morning Herald-
Australia has sold France yet another submarine. "Yeah mate, 55 billion for this one, payment in advance Pierre, you fucking cunt" said lead engineer Trevor Gunston of the Gunston Heavy Industries Consortium.
"This fat bastard comes fitted with 12 of the biggest goddamn speakers you've ever seen in your whole bloody life" continued Mr Gunston. "And cos' you'll be out in the middle of the ocean with no neighbours to disturb, you can crank those massive cunts as loud as you fucking like!"
Le HMS Gunston Decibellator.
"This is going to be the LOUDEST submarine in the whole fucken ocean. Guaranteed. GUNSTON FUCKEN GAURANTEE, Pierre."
"But Mr Trevor... we don't want our submarine to be noisy. We want it to be qui..."
"Would you frog cunts please just fucken lighten up a bit? There's no neighbours out in the middle of the ocean to disturb. Just enjoy the sun and surf and crank some tunes".
"Mr Gunston, how do the speakers work once submerged underwater, won't the water ruin the spea
"Uhh, cheque's cleared, no refunds, thanks Pierre, pleasure doing business with ya as always"
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Post by Sprague Dawley on Apr 28, 2023 23:33:47 GMT
Japanese Parliamentary Bukkake Committee's Clash.
--Japan Today--
The Japanese Parliamentary Winter Bukkake Roundtable Committee are reported to be incensed at The Japanese Parliamentary Summer Bukkake Rectangle Table Committee. "We have been stood up by the two backbencher sluts we selected to cop half a million litres of man spooge all over their head, breasts, shirts, necks, teeth and brains" claimed a spokesman for The Japanese Parliamentary Winter Bukkake Roundtable Committee.
"We even prepared 2 drinks for the ungrateful bitches. For fucks sake. Where the HELL are these 2 sluts?"
- The Japanese Parliamentary Winter Bukkake Roundtable Committee.
"Sorry guyz. We locked the 2 slags in our Bukkake Booth pending us today dotting the i's and crossing the t's on the paperwork for a practice run for the big summer bukkake fest. Read it and weep, motherfuckers..."
- The Japanese Parliamentary Summer Bukkake Rectangle Table Committee.
"These 2 extra drinks don't grow on fucking trees you know. Manabu the Minister for Tentacle Rape Mags to my left here put a lot of effort into securing those 2 extra bloody drinks I will have you know..."
- The Japanese Parliamentary Winter Bukkake Roundtable Committee.
"The 2 ladies won't be going thirsty here, fella. If you know what I mean......"
- .The Japanese Parliamentary Summer Bukkake Rectangle Table Committee
"I beg your pardon. I fail to see the funny side of this."
- The Japanese Parliamentary Winter Bukkake Roundtable Committee.
The Japanese Parliamentary Summer Bukkake Rectangle Table Committee unite with the two planned Summer Bukkake Fest female invitees to release The Japanese Parliamentary Summer Bukkake Rectangle Table Committee Manifesto:
.jpg)
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Post by Sprague Dawley on May 7, 2023 1:56:35 GMT
Megs Anoints King Chucks's Royal Staff With Ceremonial Blowie.
--Daily Mail--
Reports indicate that during the most private segment of King Chuckie's recent coronation, Filthy Megs, the seppo slag, somehow slipped inside The Royal Partitions of Anointage to slip the newly crowned King Chuckster a quick ceremonial blowie. "I don't know how royal protocol works" said the unemployed C-grade Hollywood actress, "but I wanted to do my bit to coronate the royal cock. It was such a touching moment when Chuck spoofed all over my shoulder. I only wish you could have all been there behind the partition to see it..."
"It was such a beautiful, sombre,
secret part of the ceremony. The
royal stiffy, the sperm, Chuck's
sausage fingers, everything..."
-Megs.
 Megs going to town on the royal sceptre.
"As Chuck was close to issuing his royal proclamation of pure white milky lineage I think I caught a peek of Camilla trying not to finger her granny thatch" continued Megs. "LOL, that slag was the third wheel in me and Chuckie's divine rod coronation today, baby!
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Post by Sprague Dawley on May 19, 2023 23:59:37 GMT
Justice Aunt Lydia sworn in as US Supreme Court Justice.
--USA Today--
"Who fucking farted? WHO?
--Justice Aunt Lydia.
Justice Aunt Lydia has today been sworn in as a US Supreme Court Justice at the White House.
Her acceptance speech read as follows;
"I solemnly swear to show all of my blessed flock the way to birth hatched salvation. The loin is blessed and the Commander's prong is holy. This is enshrined in our Gilead constitution. Therefore, let my first act as Supreme Court Justice be to welcome a hand-selected clutch of heavily-pregnant handmaids to the White House as I, and I alone, bless their rapespawn loinfruit as we forge ahead to the holiest of holy days, yes, Birthhatch Vagforth Day. Blessed be the Gash, Holy be the Fuck. Thank you, my children, thank you."
Upon her confirmation, Justice Aunt Lydia immediately repaired to the White House catacombs to begin checking the pregger bumps of the motley gaggle of sluts, hos, charlatans, skanks and women of questionable matrimonial feasance.
"What the blazes is this, my child? You're not even pregnant you stupid slag.
You're just a bit gassy. Are you sure you weren't just boofed up the shitter?"
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Post by Sprague Dawley on May 20, 2023 0:02:28 GMT
Japan Abandons Plan To Scale Down Porn Production
–Japan Times–
Japan’s proposed scaling-down of its daily nationwide porn film production by 0.000000023% due to Corona Virus fears has been met with a hail of irate scorn by parlimentarians.
“…for the safety of the actresses we need to propose a scaling down of daily film production by 0.000000023%…”
“WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK DUDE. IT’S NOT GOING TO WHACK ITSELF OVER HERE YOU KNOW.”
“GIVE ME THAT MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF PAPER YOU AMISH NAZI FAGGOT NAZI.”
“Order! Order!”
“Order your mouth full of my cock you nazi cunt.”
“I CAN’T BREATHE, I CAN’T BREATHE, SOMEONE PLEASE VENTILATE MY COCK.”
Prime Minister Kishida has called for the immediate execution of the Minister who made the proposal and addressed parliament on the matter earlier today;
“In a town square, in a 7-11, in a stairwell, corpse biffed in the creek, I don’t give a fucking shit. End him. What this deranged individual is proposing is profoundly un-Japanese. The trains run on time, the commuters cram aboard, some of them cough viral death on each other and then the survivors all go home and whack it. Is that too hard to understand?
"As Winston Churchill once said, ‘first they come for your granny tranny mags, then it’s the octopii incest vids.’ Or something like that. Anyway, whether it’s a mummy/daughter bukkake gangbang or an outdoors MILF spitroast donkey-felch pastoral picnic scene, our daily new fix of fresh meat vids here in Japan is the societal stress valve lubricant that keeps the entire charade of our straight-jacketed society from crumbling at our goddamned feet.
"The arabs have oil, we have bukkake. That’s how this shit works. How hard is that to understand? No more questions, shithead. Would you take the arabs oil away just cos some fucker in Dubai coughed up an iron lung on the morning train? You’re not even making any sense now, no more questions you fucking anti-cock lunatic. Execute that prudish amish fuck of a Minister and biff his head in with the ice creams in the frozen food section of a fucking 7-11. Then make a skullfuck grot vid out of it, form an orderly bukkake queue, roll cameras, jizz everywhere, oh fuck yeah, back on the whack train.”
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Post by Sprague Dawley on May 20, 2023 0:04:11 GMT
Japan's Ex-Emperor Finally Secures His First Ever Grot Mag.
--Japan Today--
Japan's ex-Emperor, at the rip old age of 96, has today secured his first ever grot mag. "Yeah, with the cameras finally buggering off I'm keen to at last have a nice, long, leisurely flog to some glossy full-colour grot mag depicting filthy gagged spunks copping gallons of muck up the shitter."
"Bugger me, check out the hooters
on that warslut peasant..."
"The Empress dried up rootwise halfway through the fucking war" opined the Emperor, somewhat wistfully. "And I'm not talking about the bloody Vietnam War either. Anyway, this mag should do the trick. While The Imperial Nag is out dicking around in the garden with her fucken bug collection or some bullshit I'll whip out the imperially abdicated wang and set to work priming the royal lineage pump with an eye on extricating some blue blood geyser gush shit all over the fucken monogrammed imperial cumrag. Do not disturb, cunts."
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Post by Sprague Dawley on May 30, 2023 3:40:37 GMT
“Where the fuck is Jeff?” – Pope John Paul III.
–Vatican Weekly–
Pope John Paul III has reportedly alarmed religious figures by today being
overheard at a Vatican luncheon mumbling “where the fuck is Jeff?” in
reference to recently deceased financier Mr Jeffrey Epstein.
“Fucking hell, I invited the randy cunt here for lunch and the lazy tosser
doesn't even fucken show up.”
–His Holiness Pope John Paul III.
The Pope, apparently unaware of Mr Epstein’s recent passing, went on to murmur “damnit, where’s Jeff when I need him, I need my little boy fix right fucking now. I need to get my cassocked cock back on the Lolita Express and back to Kiddiefuck Island for a fix of altar boys and vestibule virgins. Shit man, does this cashed-up pedo kingpin ever fucking return calls?”
“Didnt you hear me shithead, I said
WHERE THE FUUUUUUUUUCK
IS JEFFRRREEYYYYYYYY?”
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Post by Sprague Dawley on May 30, 2023 3:42:14 GMT
Nanking Chinatown Fake News Anniversary
--Dec 14.--
--by Special War Apology Correspondent Masahiro Sato.
Hello. Today it is Special War Apology Correspondent Masahiro Sato special report.
Today, misguided Chinaman assemble in new Tiananmen Square for fake news anniversary of 83rd anniversary of the Rape of Nanking Massacre which never happen.
Japan statistic indicate 200,000 chinamen not raped and murdered in 6 week period.
Japan statistic indicate just 4 chinamen tripped and fell on loose Tiananmen Square cobblestone and sadly die when they bump their little dog head on cobblestone. R.I.P to four chinamens. I fell your loss.
Go home, cosplay chinaman. No Nanking Massacre. Fake news, omeeh.
Japan statistic indicate in 1937 peaceful Japan envoys arrive in Nanking to teach barbaric local dogpeople how to make rice and pottery and how to read civilise Japanese kanji. Then 4 clumsy chinamen cobblestone fall-down debacle then China comfort woman swoon at visiting Japan stud men in uniform and give into estrus desire then post-coital tobacco and Japan envoy all repair to inn for bathtime and teatime and futon goodnight teddy end of story.
Chinatown flag at half mast but Japan cock forever at full mast in Nanking. Fuck yeah baby.
China Nanking labcoat doctor release the corona bats to attack Japan again. Fuck you
China & Nanking Massacre was Fake News don't make me come down there again u
cross-eyed little wankers.
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Post by Sprague Dawley on May 30, 2023 3:42:51 GMT
Local Man Misunderstands Meaning of “Bibliophile”.
–RST–
A local man has today taken grave offense at being labelled a “bibliophile”.
“You fucking cunt. Are you insinuating that I root underage bibles? I
am deeply fucken offended at that insinuation, you fucking dickhead.”
“I am gravely offended by your accusation” continued the local man, Mr Bruce Saint. “All of the bibles I root are well above the age of consent. Some of them are almost 300 years old. Is that old enough for you cunt? Unbelievable. You can’t just glance at some poor buggers massive collection of grot mags and call them a “bibliophile”? What the fuck is wrong with you? Fucken rude cunt. Last grot mag I’m ever fucken lending you.”
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